church exploration

Our family/our church is searching for a larger local body in Canby to be a part of. This has prompted a lot of study, prayer, conversation, reading, etc, etc, etc about the nature of this enigmatic thing called The Church. There's a lot of language and a whole variety of connotations to each different term that we use surrounding these concepts.

Even as I look back at that first paragraph I smile. I said a few things that can be taken in multiple ways: our church, larger local body, The Church. The other night as our home community talked about the Ephesians and the church, I realized that if I'm not careful, I can easily misinterpret another person's comments just because we have different mental constructs about the word "church."

I feel like we have a whole load of ideas about the church, probably the majority of which are shaped by personal experience and human conversation rather than by God's word. Gosh. Foo! I want my mind, heart and soul to be trained and shaped by his thoughts on what the church is.

So, we're studying through Ephesians. I was having a hard time understanding this passage from the end of the first chapter.


Here's the ESV of 1:21-23:
(Christ is)...far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. 
And he put all things under his feet 

and gave him as head over all things to the church, 

which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.

And The Message:

He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. 

At the center of all this, Christ rules the church. 

The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. 

The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence.

Ahhh! I love that!

All things under his feet meaning at the center of all this.

Gave him as head meaning Christ rules the church.

And then in The Message, the sentence, The church, you see is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church.

His body meaning in which he speaks and acts.

The fullness of him who fills all in all meaning by which he fills everything with his presence.

That sentence about the world being peripheral to the church blows my mind. Train my eyes to see!

lottsa lottsa

Big stuff is happening in the Burnham home. For me, the more significant the life changes, the less likely I am to put anything about them on the world wide web. So, finally for a few updates:

--Our dear friends, Geoff, Celina and Jaron Green, recently moved to Portland. They lived about a block away and were the leaders of our home community (which has been our church for the past year). We really miss being everyday friends with them. And we also miss being church with them.

--Our church is totally changing. Our home community is moving towards joining another church, which is  uncharted territory. David and I haven't ever been in the spot to search for and find a church. It can feel gross, like something between dating and shopping. I have to fight to discipline my heart, asking God to give me eyes to see and enjoy the beauty of his bride, trusting that he will lead us in his time. Currently, our home community has been studying thru Galatians, which has been a huge encouragement as I've taken the time to dwell on the gospel. Tonight we will read thru Ephesians together.

--David's been taking pre-requisites to become an RN. This term he's taking Human Growth & Development and the first section of Anatomy & Physiology. Both are classes that he's super interested in. Both a whole lotta work. He also continues to work full-time. It's a lot of work, a lot of money and a big direction shift, all of which are difficult.

--We're preparing our home and our family for a new baby! This is totally scary and totally wonderful and totally new.

In the midst of all of this, I daily feel the pull to trust in myself or to trust in the King of Kings. When I calculate everything out and try to make everything fit on the calendar, I totally freak out. When I "train my brain to focus" (something I often say to kids at school), remembering the Lord's constant presence, abundant provision and faithful love, I am able walk with grace and freedom. Right now I'm at about 50/50. Maybe someday it'll get easier :)

sorrows, burdens

I went to a girl's house at 10 this morning--one of the sweeties that I tutor. The front door of the apartment was open. No one answered. I talked with a friend that's hurting and then I came back after a half hour and she and her sister were riding bikes in the faded black top parking lot. Brown stringy hair in their faces, bare feet, skinned toes. Filth crusting their clothes, too big for their small bodies. I couldn't stop staring at the blotch of dried coffee-ish-ness at her neckline. Their mom's asleep, later her uncle's taking them swimming so she can't do tutoring today. I left sad and texted David,

There are simply too many messes.

When I came home I made a list of twenty-seven crises that I'm watching and experiencing. I'm feeling a lot of weight. Feeling a lot of need. A lot of grief at the state of things:

division, betrayal, mistrust, bitterness, unforgiveness, miscommunication, no communication, drunkenness, addiction, borderline personality disorder, bipolarity, diabetes, failing pancreas, fighting, lies, unfaithfulness, cheating, swearing, Playboy, not disciplining children, not caring for children, disobedience, poverty, verbal abuse, prison, drugs, no rest, broken covenant, no covenant, being foreign, disobedience, no grace, condemnation, isolation, transient-ness, suicide, unloved, lost love, lost daughter, lost job, lost home, loneliness, distant marriage, pressure, pressure, worry, no work, too many bills, dizzyness, deafness, diabetes, anorexia, treatments, autism, delays, pornography, materialism, ignorance, money, disunity, chemical imbalance, inconsistency, intolerance, hate, physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, behavior modification, screaming, yelling, anger, impatience, medication, disillusionment, schizophrenia, attack, manipulation, masturbation, offense, fetal alcohol syndrome, dirty, cheating, misleading, conniving, scheming, slandering, screeching, threatening, recording wrongs, bullying, breaking rules, blaming. Uncleaned, uncared for, unprotected, unfed, unloved, untaught, undisciplined children. Resentment, jealousy, need, struggle, bitterness, hunger, judgment, comparison, misperception, loneliness, frustration, unresolved, unreconciled, lost community, lost trust, lost friendship, lost desire, lost hope, cancer, death, lostness, mourning, widow, death, widower, death, cancer, treatments, old age, junk, complications, paperwork, hoops, obstacles, governments, injustice, missed growth, unfulfilled hope, sickness of heart, issues, incessant crying, rage, removal, accusations, evil choices, pushing away, shutting out, selfishness, anger, avoiding eye contact, shame, widening gulfs, abuse

We were laughing at our weird life last night.

I laugh at it every few days. I got to have coffee with Celina and Bobbi, who we found out is quitting her job and starting school, which seems like a totally risky and brilliant and hopeful idea. Our friend Birgitta had her 34th birthday party in her front yard last night and her husband wore a Brittney Spears microphone and told stories and then led a sing-a-long of pop songs. All the kids were dancing into the dusk and we were talking and laughing and celebrating. We just had berry shortbread for breakfast (because we haven't been home to have it for dessert and I was tired of it sitting in the refrigerator) and I got to talk with a neighbor girl who is not doing well at all. We really have no idea what's actually going on in their home, but we know it's bad. So we decided we just need to pray and lean in, but not go off of the info they give because it's all muddled up. It's really great for us to wrestle through this kind of thing--like what the heck to do when we are the closest godly people to a disasterous situation and feel completely untrained and unprepared--but it's a huge and dangerous mess. David just left to go spear fishing with Abi and I'm about to go to a bridal shower for Becca (who I worked a the coffee shop with, who is marrying Kennan, whose parents are in our home community). Tonight we're going to another birthday party--for Marina, the Schwary's daughter, who are also part of our church. Lots of adventures and parties!

While we ate our eggs and shortbread this morning, David and I were talking this about how we feel confused and taken aback in the situation with our neighbors, but deeply encouraged by the fact that God gives his Spirit WITHOUT limit. And wondering what in the world that looks like and how to live like it. I think we typically act and perceive the world as though there is a roof to how much God intervenes, how much authority he's given us, how much he will respond when we pray, how much he can save a person from, what he can really do in a situation and how much/if he will give wisdom. However, in reality, he says there's not a limit or roof...

Any thoughts or wisdom or prayers about this or the last post are invited.

mission!

Jesus, early in his ministry, found this passage in Isaiah and spoke it to a full synagogue in his hometown:

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to bring good news to the poor;

he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,

and the day of vengence of our God;

to comfort all who mourn;

to grant to those who mourn in Zion--

to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;

that they may be called oaks of righteousness,

the planting of the Lord, that he may display his beauty.

They shall build up the ancient ruins;

they shall raise up the former devestations;

they shall repair the ruined cities,

the devastations of many generations.

I read this and I wonder why we talk more about apologetics, the four spiritual laws, a wordless book and the Romans road than this. The tools are fine, but.... What if we started our ministry/mission/evangelism/neighboring/friendships/churches/marriages/whatever with the power, anointing, discernment, meaning, grace that Jesus proclaimed?

These words are truth for us--we are those who have been poor, borkenhearted, captive, bound, blind, mourning, covered in ashes and faint. And too often I find myself returning to these places--frustrated, exhausted, disillusioned, broken, paralyzed, trapped, worried, ashamed, worn out. These are all words I use to describe myself. A few days ago, David and I made a deal to proclaim life and liberty and good news to each other. I long to learn and practice to be able to speak the gospel into every kind of situation--to myself and to others (Christians and non-Christians). These things are so hard to grasp alone and I feel like I need to be trained to see and speak them.

Look at the proclamations:
good news
liberty
opening of prison/recovery of sight
God's favor and God's vengence (both!)

Look at the gifts:
binding up of hearts
comfort
beautiful headdresses
oil of gladness
garments of praise

And--how hopeful!--look at who these things are for:
the poor
the brokenhearted
the captives
those who are bound/blind
those who mourn, hold ashes, are of a faint spirit 

Look at the results:
That they may be called oaks of righteousness, 
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.
They shall build up the ancient ruins;
they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.

Wow! This is how I want to be, how I want to live, how I want to speak, how I want to give.

a rich, rich trip

Showing David the home where Christina and I lived.

Together with the Jackson family at one of my favorite places.

A meal David can't stop thinking about.

Beautiful family, good commercial :)

Hope and future.

Reflecting.

Kind of like Coca-Cola...

Our sister, Mana.

Light.

Mateja translating for David.

Zvonko baptizing Ana.

And a most beautiful sight--disciples making disciples.








Other wonders...
Meeting babies and seeing new parents.
Visiting people long loved.
Experiencing God's continuous and powerful movement.












 All over the world the gospel is bearing fruit and growing. Just as it has been doing among you from the first day you heard it until now... (Colossians)

pass by me

Our church has been reading and thinking and talking and praying about this section from Mark 6 for the past weeks. It happens just after Jesus and the disciples broke a few loaves of bread and fed 5,000 people.

Immediately he made his disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. And after he had taken leave of them, he went up on the mountain to pray. And when evening came, the boat was out on the sea, and he was alone on the land. And he saw that they were making headway painfully, for the wind was against them. And about the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. He meant to pass by them, but when they saw him walking on the sea they thought it was a ghost, and cried out, for they all saw him and were terrified. But immediately he spoke to them and said, Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid. And he got into the boat with them, and the wind ceased. And they were utterly astounded, for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.

In the midst of their exhaustion and the raging storm, Jesus meant to pass by. Really? Look at it. It sounds like he meant to walk right past them and meet them on the opposite side. He saw their distress and he didn't care? Like rubberneckers on the freeway after an accident. I'll just look at the trouble and say, "Bummer!" Jesus often confuses me, but this seems so contrary to his character. To see distress, to see his men making headway painfully and to pass by.

But then we were pointed to Moses and to Elijah. God also passed by them--passed by his chosen, stiff-necked, hard-hearted people. The disciples, Moses, Elijah (and often us, too) were/are in places of chaos, fear, separation, darkness. And God, the God who sees, passed by:

The Lord said to Moses, "I will make my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name 'The Lord.' And I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy....Behold, there is a place by me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by."

And Elijah, when he was in great despair, hiding and wishing to die:

Behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him...

So I think about us. When we are in chaos, fear, separation, darkness.

Oh, God, pass by! Pass by and show us your goodness, let us know your grace, mercy. I want to see your glory. Let us be by you. Cover us. Speak to us with your low whisper.

May we see with our eyes--
        when the man on the water walks toward us,
hear with our ears--
        in the midst of the whipping wind, the earthquake, the fire,
understand with our hearts.

May we turn and be healed.

thoughts

Could we be missionaries in a foreign country before we pay off all our student loans?

Death and mourning--How to do it well? Why is it always so uncomfortable? It feels stupid.

Grandma is NINETY-EIGHT!!

Becoming a praying wife.

When do I say 'no' to something that will drain me/us and when do I say 'yes'? Not accidentally saying no to the things that are actually my top priorities.

How do I help a kid remember the sound that a letter makes?

Why do I get so distracted?

How to be a friend.

Are my five loaves and two fishes enough? Ha ha! No--of course not!

How does ongoing forgiveness fit with covering the shame fit with telling the truth?

In the process of forgiveness, how important is it that the offender ask for forgiveness?

What is a church? What do we do on Sunday?

Hurt, people and pain in the church.

Finding new recipes. Getting out of this cooking/eating rut that we're in.

When to think about money and when to not think about money?

Keeping the house on the cleaner, more inviting end of the spectrum so that it is a welcome place for us and others.

I don't need to own something to enjoy it.

Celebrations.

Love. Hope. Victory.

He daily bears our burdens?!