who he is

Some people that we know are dealing with some really, really sad things. We're dealing with some hard stuff. We've cried and are grieving and wrestling with the whys. We struggle with what to do with them in our own hearts, how to pray for and be with people in the midst. Crazy questions and ideas and accusations can crop up and haunt these vulnerable places in our souls. What do we do with the pain? Where do we go?

This morning David and I talked about the story in John 9 of the man born blind. Skeptics questioned Jesus--Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind? I totally feel that question. What have we done wrong? But we've been reveling in Jesus' response--It was not that this man sinned or his parents, but that the works of God may be displayed in him. Job losing everything, Abraham and Sarah awaiting and awaiting and awaiting a baby, Mary and Martha wrenched by their brother's tomb, how many others? ...and every time it was the same story "that the works of God may be displayed." It's the same story. And that's what we want. We want his works in our lives because he is the all-wise, all-loving, all-good God. May we trust his goodness and his provision and his purpose.

Oh, may the works of God may be displayed within all of these aching unknowns and deep sorrows. Oh, may we remember and joyfully worship this God for just who he is. His purposes are good. Always.

flourishing/withering

I think of the constant heat in Phoenix, of dust storms. I think of the Planet Earth episode we watched on desserts, the waterless and extreme places where few organisms survive. I picture the dunes, the dryness, a tumbleweed blowing across an empty expanse. Brown. Brown, brown, brown.

I think of the Gorge--the waterfalls, the trails, the moss. I think of quietness and crashing waters, the life coursing down streams and clinging to every minuscule nook of rock. Green, overwhelming amounts of green and water and life arching over and carpeting beneath. Green, green, green.

I was imagining all of this because I read from Jeremiah 17 and Psalm 1 this morning. Both include vivid pictures of a vibrant, rooted, fruitful, established tree by streams in contrast to the brittle, isolated, perishing, chaf/shrub in the parched wilderness. Wow. 

                           Thus says the Lord:

"Cursed is the man who trusts in man

and makes flesh his strength,

whose heart turns away from the Lord.

He is like a shrub in the dessert,

and shall not see any good come.

He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,

in an uninhabited salt land.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

whose trust is in the Lord.

He is like a tree planted by water,

that sends out its roots by the stream,

and does not fear when heat comes,

for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

for it does not cease to bear fruit." (Jer 17)

I'm motivated by these pictures. Motivated to find myself near a stream. One line about the dry shrub stood out to me today--it 'shall not see any good come.' Does this mean nothing good will ever happen? Or does it mean that it can't recognize the good?

The qualifications for shrubs sound extreme--for a good person like me! Listen:

      --'walks in the counsel of the wicked'

      --'stands in the way of sinners'

      --'sits in the seat of mockers'

Wicked, sinners, mockers. I don't know many of these people, do I? I've never met someone like Hitler. 

But stop. Lots of people aren't trying to be wicked, sinners, mockers. But in the past few days it's been one of David's professors, a well-meaning neighbor, people we work with, the "counsel" of NPR or National Geographic or most movies, doctors...uh, basically anyone who is not in a worshipful posture towards God. Who is a sinner? Me--when I sin! Me giving unaligned-with-God advice to a friend.

When I 'trust in man,' 'make flesh my strength,' 'turn my heart from the Lord,' when I worry about the future, spend more of my heart gathering information from experienced people than I do trusting the Creator, when my emotions are more subject to a doctor's words than on who I know God to be, when I freak out because now both cars are leaking, when I attempt to power thru or pull myself up by my bootstraps, when, when, when. Confession. That's when I'm living like I belong on a dune.

The tree-style life takes a lot more diligence. Since it's so counter-cultural it requires abnormal levels of diligence commitment and watchfulness. The instructions are simple:

      --'trust in the Lord'

      --'trust in the Lord'

      --'delight in and meditate on his instruction'

This takes time and heart-training. But the results of having roots by streams of living water? Heat's not something to fear; its leaves stay green. Drought's not something to cause anxiety; it continues to produce fruit (tangerines or pomegranates or love, peace, patience). 

This is the blessing and prosperity that I seek. I confess it's a battle constant and unrelenting. But wow! May I grow green and fruitful, rooted and established in the love that's beyond knowledge.

enough

He wouldn't ask us not to fear and not to worry if he didn't provide resources for us to handle sorrow and pain, would he? He's not that kind of a God. He, himself, is enough for all fear, for all worry. He is risen and he is enough.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

Psalm 73:26

uh, yes.... yes, yes, YES!

Three days ago I turned 32. I think the older I am, the richer I feel. Every year I like my life more. And it gets harder, too. We are facing trials of various kinds and I guess I just always wonder how to be. How to feel and rest and be in pain and in the unsolved. And how to rejoice at the same time.

I read this today in James and am mulling over it:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

The testing of your faith... For me, these are the questions that come: Is God enough? Is he good? Does he love? Is he able? Can he save? Does he see? Does he care? Will he protect? Do I believe? Often, I hold the questions just below the surface. Just below acknowledgement. But I'm realizing that in the asking of them, in the answering of them, in the hoping and waiting, in the resounding yes!--there is faith.

And the testing, it produces steadfastness...
which we must let have its full effect
                         let the steadfastness bloom
                                         brighten
                                               develop
                                     mature, ripen, ferment
that you may be perfect and complete,
lacking in nothing.

Nothing.

faith/sight and grace/earning

David's been really enjoying Hearing God by Dallas Willard. Last night he read me this,

Faith is not opposed to knowledge; it is opposed to sight. And grace is not opposed to effort; it is opposed to earning. Commitment is not sustained by confusion but by insight.

It's so easy to think that faith is a blind leap. But it can't be blindness; Jesus came to heal the blind. He came to give understanding, insight, wisdom. And he also came that we might live trusting him. Wow!

Ahh...that this understanding would seep out in my faith, in my acceptance of grace and in my wholehearted effort.

pass by me

Our church has been reading and thinking and talking and praying about this section from Mark 6 for the past weeks. It happens just after Jesus and the disciples broke a few loaves of bread and fed 5,000 people.

Immediately he made his disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. And after he had taken leave of them, he went up on the mountain to pray. And when evening came, the boat was out on the sea, and he was alone on the land. And he saw that they were making headway painfully, for the wind was against them. And about the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. He meant to pass by them, but when they saw him walking on the sea they thought it was a ghost, and cried out, for they all saw him and were terrified. But immediately he spoke to them and said, Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid. And he got into the boat with them, and the wind ceased. And they were utterly astounded, for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.

In the midst of their exhaustion and the raging storm, Jesus meant to pass by. Really? Look at it. It sounds like he meant to walk right past them and meet them on the opposite side. He saw their distress and he didn't care? Like rubberneckers on the freeway after an accident. I'll just look at the trouble and say, "Bummer!" Jesus often confuses me, but this seems so contrary to his character. To see distress, to see his men making headway painfully and to pass by.

But then we were pointed to Moses and to Elijah. God also passed by them--passed by his chosen, stiff-necked, hard-hearted people. The disciples, Moses, Elijah (and often us, too) were/are in places of chaos, fear, separation, darkness. And God, the God who sees, passed by:

The Lord said to Moses, "I will make my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name 'The Lord.' And I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy....Behold, there is a place by me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by."

And Elijah, when he was in great despair, hiding and wishing to die:

Behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him...

So I think about us. When we are in chaos, fear, separation, darkness.

Oh, God, pass by! Pass by and show us your goodness, let us know your grace, mercy. I want to see your glory. Let us be by you. Cover us. Speak to us with your low whisper.

May we see with our eyes--
        when the man on the water walks toward us,
hear with our ears--
        in the midst of the whipping wind, the earthquake, the fire,
understand with our hearts.

May we turn and be healed.

the fierce urgency of now

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism.

Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline.

We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope.

(excerpts from the I Have a Dream speech, given by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., 1963)

------
What dream do I have? May it be bigger than me, bigger than my life.

May we stand with faith, hope and discipline. May we stand for justice. Let  freedom ring!

"become a Christian"

As we're reading through the Gospel of Matthew with some friends, I have been trying to figure out what it means to become a Christian. Or how to do it. I've heard the phrases all my life: become a Christian, ask Jesus in your heart. But how? And what do they mean? Where did we come up with those ideas? Does it happen like that?

Those all sound like items on a check list.

And I'm confused because Jesus doesn't talk like that. Last week we read this in chapter 25. Jesus speaking:

When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on his left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' Then the righteous will answer him, saying 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you? And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'

Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.... Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.' And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.

So, there are those that are cursed--"thrown into a fire prepared for the devil and his angels." And there are those that are blessed--"to inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world."

And then, in his letter to the saints in Ephesus, the Apostle Paul wrote,

You were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience--among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved--and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace and kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this not of your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Dead in sins, sons of disobedience, children of wrath, goats. He made it clear that all of us start out this way. 

But God made us alive together with Christ. And those of us that are alive, and recipients of great grace and kindness...we should walk in the good works he's prepared for us!

Maybe that's key. Maybe it's not so much that caring for those in need created the distinction between the goats and the sheep, the cursed and the blessed, the dead and the alive, but maybe it's that it shows the distinction between those who know the King and who have received his gift of grace and those who won't.

So what about those who live and love like sheep, but haven't "become a Christian"?

"Praying a prayer" isn't enough to transform a person, is it?
Is it?

This is crazy and inflammatory stuff that Jesus said. And I don't get it. Or maybe I'm starting to get it. I experience it...
but the pieces of this puzzle are all over the floor right now. They were under the rug and we've lifted the rug. I can't quite get pieces back together yet.

Wrestlings? Passages? Thoughts?