on the edge

David has an anatomy and physiology professor that was talking about that--how we're really all on the edge. What a tenuous bundle of precision is required for the sustenance of human life. Blood and vessels, hormones, nerves, electrical impulses, organs and fluids, constantly pumping and valving. It's all a completely foreign language to me and yet more parts that I have even begun to have names for are at work to keep me living, breathing, thinking.

This morning as we prayed I imagined it. The edge--a scary place to be. Gives me the yeeks and I don't like it one bit. I don't want to be here. I want to be certain that things will be okay. Especially big things. I want to know the way and plan what we'll have for dinner tomorrow and what we'll name the baby.

But there is only one guarantee. Jesus says I am the way, the truth and the life. So, if Jesus is the way...oh, do I ever need him. The calendar, our balanced budget, meals in the freezer, my checked list, dear friends, a thriving church, routine, a good report from the doctor, vaccinations--none of those good things provides any actual security. Really.

And yet, the glorious mystery of it all is this: if/when I am aware and trusting Jesus as I live on the edge, I can dance. I can twirl a crazy twirl and do one of those exuberant ballet leaps with my knees all poking out in the wrong directions--right on the very edge and without fear. It won't matter if I mis-step. It doesn't matter one bit because I will be caught in the grace. Caught by Christ.

I would rather have that. Rather live joyfully twirling, even when my vision is blurred by tears--right on the very, very edge of life--than hanging from weeds and dirt clods by my fingernails, trying not to numb myself to the drop looming below. So today I fight to be here. I fight to twirl and trust on this very edge.

enough

He wouldn't ask us not to fear and not to worry if he didn't provide resources for us to handle sorrow and pain, would he? He's not that kind of a God. He, himself, is enough for all fear, for all worry. He is risen and he is enough.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

Psalm 73:26

you make beautiful things

you make beautiful things out of the dust...

pass by me

Our church has been reading and thinking and talking and praying about this section from Mark 6 for the past weeks. It happens just after Jesus and the disciples broke a few loaves of bread and fed 5,000 people.

Immediately he made his disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. And after he had taken leave of them, he went up on the mountain to pray. And when evening came, the boat was out on the sea, and he was alone on the land. And he saw that they were making headway painfully, for the wind was against them. And about the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. He meant to pass by them, but when they saw him walking on the sea they thought it was a ghost, and cried out, for they all saw him and were terrified. But immediately he spoke to them and said, Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid. And he got into the boat with them, and the wind ceased. And they were utterly astounded, for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.

In the midst of their exhaustion and the raging storm, Jesus meant to pass by. Really? Look at it. It sounds like he meant to walk right past them and meet them on the opposite side. He saw their distress and he didn't care? Like rubberneckers on the freeway after an accident. I'll just look at the trouble and say, "Bummer!" Jesus often confuses me, but this seems so contrary to his character. To see distress, to see his men making headway painfully and to pass by.

But then we were pointed to Moses and to Elijah. God also passed by them--passed by his chosen, stiff-necked, hard-hearted people. The disciples, Moses, Elijah (and often us, too) were/are in places of chaos, fear, separation, darkness. And God, the God who sees, passed by:

The Lord said to Moses, "I will make my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name 'The Lord.' And I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy....Behold, there is a place by me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by."

And Elijah, when he was in great despair, hiding and wishing to die:

Behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him...

So I think about us. When we are in chaos, fear, separation, darkness.

Oh, God, pass by! Pass by and show us your goodness, let us know your grace, mercy. I want to see your glory. Let us be by you. Cover us. Speak to us with your low whisper.

May we see with our eyes--
        when the man on the water walks toward us,
hear with our ears--
        in the midst of the whipping wind, the earthquake, the fire,
understand with our hearts.

May we turn and be healed.

"become a Christian"

As we're reading through the Gospel of Matthew with some friends, I have been trying to figure out what it means to become a Christian. Or how to do it. I've heard the phrases all my life: become a Christian, ask Jesus in your heart. But how? And what do they mean? Where did we come up with those ideas? Does it happen like that?

Those all sound like items on a check list.

And I'm confused because Jesus doesn't talk like that. Last week we read this in chapter 25. Jesus speaking:

When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on his left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' Then the righteous will answer him, saying 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you? And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'

Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.... Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.' And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.

So, there are those that are cursed--"thrown into a fire prepared for the devil and his angels." And there are those that are blessed--"to inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world."

And then, in his letter to the saints in Ephesus, the Apostle Paul wrote,

You were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience--among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved--and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace and kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this not of your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Dead in sins, sons of disobedience, children of wrath, goats. He made it clear that all of us start out this way. 

But God made us alive together with Christ. And those of us that are alive, and recipients of great grace and kindness...we should walk in the good works he's prepared for us!

Maybe that's key. Maybe it's not so much that caring for those in need created the distinction between the goats and the sheep, the cursed and the blessed, the dead and the alive, but maybe it's that it shows the distinction between those who know the King and who have received his gift of grace and those who won't.

So what about those who live and love like sheep, but haven't "become a Christian"?

"Praying a prayer" isn't enough to transform a person, is it?
Is it?

This is crazy and inflammatory stuff that Jesus said. And I don't get it. Or maybe I'm starting to get it. I experience it...
but the pieces of this puzzle are all over the floor right now. They were under the rug and we've lifted the rug. I can't quite get pieces back together yet.

Wrestlings? Passages? Thoughts?