for freedom

David & I read a letter from International Justice Mission last night and they told a story about how when people are rescued from slavery in India they get to go through a two year school called Freedom Training. I wondered what it was. And sorta wished that I could go through it. And then I wanted to go visit, take loads of notes and work to incorporate that kind of training into our family, church, community as people are exposed to the very present, real reality of spiritual bondage into which we were all born and from which we have the opportunity to be freed through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

This song has been such a good reminder to our family. We're singing it in the morning before we leave--just to remember! Always to remember. Everyday.

Some of my favorite lyrics:

The Spirit 

lives inside of me;

where the Spirit of the Lord lives 

there is liberty! 

When the spirit of the world comes 

to kill me and enslave me

I will say--

There is liberty!

For the chains of sin 

that once entangled me

--now they're broken, 

how I'm singing now I'm free.

There is liberty!

You don't take his life,

he laid it down.

He paid the price

and shed his blood.

It is done!

The veil is torn

He is won

and I am free!

For freedom you set me free!

And yes! I am free indeed!

You rewrote my name 

and shackled my shame, 

you opened my eyes to see

--I am free!

Amen!

home to Jesus

This is a letter written by my mom this morning.
*******

     Yesterday I sat by Mama's bed. She hadn't eaten for a day or two, and her voice was deep and raspy. I couldn't understand everything she said. We've talked often in the last months about being ready to go to heaven. She knew she wasn't good enough. Welcome to our world! NO ONE IS! But she was confident that Jesus had made a way for her. She would brighten when I would remind her of one of my favorite verses: "Therefore He--that's Jesus--is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them." (Heb 7:25)

     I had my name tag on--Mrs Stepanian. I had come straight from Good News Club. If you know Mama, you know she read that name tag. So I told her today's Bible memory verse, "Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God. John one twelve."
     "That's a good one."
     That is where her hope lies: in the One who made the world, came to live on it and die for sins of the people, be buried and raised to life forever in heaven, giving those who believe in Him this amazing right--to become children of God. Wow.

     I sat longer than usual yesterday. I sang through a bunch of old hymns, what words I could remember. She mouthed some of them with me.

Holy, Holy, Holy....God in three Persons, Blessed Trinity


Hear Him, ye deaf, His praise, ye dumb, your loosened tongues employ.
Ye blind behold your Savior come, and leap ye lame for joy.


On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.


Then sings my soul, My Savior God, to Thee
How great Thou art....


Yes, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so.

     At one point I said, "Mom, it's OK to say goodbye to this world."
     Her quick response sounded flippant, "OK. Good bye, world!"

     Then I said, "I look forward to the day I'll see you in heaven."
     At that she smiled and rasped, "That will be a great day for both of us."

     Mama still had her wits about her. For some reason I was thinking about Mom in her garden. She grew basil, a burgundy colored one, long before TV chefs were chiffonading it or Trader Joe's put pesto in a jar. And she had always pronounced it baa-zil (a like in bat. Which is the pronunciation given in my dictionary, just so you know!) I asked her, "Do you pronounce it basil or bayzil?"
     "Baa zil."
     "Ahlmond or aamond?" "Aypricot or aapricot?" "Pecon or pecan?" She gave her right answers....

     Later the hospice nurse came in, amazed at Mama's alertness. I turned to Mama to show off that she was still very much present. "Mama, is it basil or basil?"
     "Basil"
     "Is it almond or almond?" She paused.
     "Nuts."
     That made the nurse and me laugh. She wasn't going to play my game.

     That may have been the last word I heard her say. I talked some more with the nurse. I kissed Mama goodbye. She waved as I left the room.

At 10:30 pm her caregiver called. "Your mom is gone."

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. Finally gone to Jesus!

She was 99. Ready.

I thank God for making me ready to say good bye.


Liz

lottsa lottsa

Big stuff is happening in the Burnham home. For me, the more significant the life changes, the less likely I am to put anything about them on the world wide web. So, finally for a few updates:

--Our dear friends, Geoff, Celina and Jaron Green, recently moved to Portland. They lived about a block away and were the leaders of our home community (which has been our church for the past year). We really miss being everyday friends with them. And we also miss being church with them.

--Our church is totally changing. Our home community is moving towards joining another church, which is  uncharted territory. David and I haven't ever been in the spot to search for and find a church. It can feel gross, like something between dating and shopping. I have to fight to discipline my heart, asking God to give me eyes to see and enjoy the beauty of his bride, trusting that he will lead us in his time. Currently, our home community has been studying thru Galatians, which has been a huge encouragement as I've taken the time to dwell on the gospel. Tonight we will read thru Ephesians together.

--David's been taking pre-requisites to become an RN. This term he's taking Human Growth & Development and the first section of Anatomy & Physiology. Both are classes that he's super interested in. Both a whole lotta work. He also continues to work full-time. It's a lot of work, a lot of money and a big direction shift, all of which are difficult.

--We're preparing our home and our family for a new baby! This is totally scary and totally wonderful and totally new.

In the midst of all of this, I daily feel the pull to trust in myself or to trust in the King of Kings. When I calculate everything out and try to make everything fit on the calendar, I totally freak out. When I "train my brain to focus" (something I often say to kids at school), remembering the Lord's constant presence, abundant provision and faithful love, I am able walk with grace and freedom. Right now I'm at about 50/50. Maybe someday it'll get easier :)

resurrection

Now when he arose early

on the first day of the week,

he appeared first to

Mary Magdalene

from whom he had cast out seven demons. (Mark 16:9)

Jesus, who

are you? What

kind

of a man, a God

that you—pure,

holylovethatisfire—

go first to the woman—unclean,

shamed, despised—

the woman healed.

The woman come early worshipping,

bringing beauty and spices (from where?)

soft,following and ministering to

you

appeared. 

my journal still smells like campfire...

Sun through trees, over trees, lighting morning
pulling steam and mirroring mountain
on the pane of the lake.
Trembled--and the mountain shudders,
shadows, shimmers.

Slowly squinted eyes, stillness & imagination re-
clarify and remind my mind.
Re-flection, re-fraction,
obscures the unobscured.

I thought about the mountain in the morning. The mountain on the water. Real or not real? I got annoyed at my philosophical-ness. And yet, I kept coming back to the thought.

Yes. The reflection is real.
Yes. It can be moved, it is not sturdy.

I'm thinking...is this the kind of authority Jesus has given us over mountains?

transition

This is probably more for me than for anyone else, but Christina and I just jotted down some thoughts on transitions. Particularly going back to a place that you've been away from for an extended period of time. She's led a group of college interns this summer and they've just all left. Christina wrote the normal, I added the italics.

Adjusting Back...

People will have remained the same, you will be different. They won't know that you’re different. They might not ask you questions. You have to learn to be ok with people not being that interested in what you’ve learned or how you’ve changed.

Along with this, be bold in just volunteering information. You know what you want to tell them. You know what experiences you've had. There are a lot of people that would want to know, but just have no clue what to ask or where to even start. You'll probably feel this even from your family and closest friends.

You will have to adjust to a “new” normal.  Going back home, you won't be able to slide back into normal life. You’re different now. You will be in the process of creating a “new” normal.

This is hard work. And probably more important work than anything you did during the summer. Long lasting change and maturity is what it's all about. 

One of the keys in this for me, was integrating the things that I'd learned into my current context. There's not TWO of you. There's just one and you have new things that you are now responsible to bring back into your context.

Oh, and be okay with letting yourself feel the emotions--happy and sad and etc--of the transition. If you need to cry about something, do it really well! That's really the only way I know of to get it over with. 

Don't expect people will want to know or talk about it to the extent that you want to talk. 

Think about how you can talk about experiences in ways that other people can relate to. Reduce the times you say snobbily "back when I was on my missions trip…" and increase the times you say "last summer…" Internally, this does two things--first, everyone else had a last summer, too. And they'd probably love to talk about it as much as you want to talk about yours. Talk and listen. Second, it helps you to integrate your life. Not two different yous, but one you over the course of time.

But you do need to process. Find people in your world that are good enough friends that will listen to you and set aside times to talk. Keep in touch with other interns and process what its like back home, what you miss, what is frustrating, what brings you joy...

Also, write stuff down--journal, emails, blog, write lists, poems, doodles, funny things, conversations you want to remember. Or draw pictures, write songs, whatever are your ways of remembering stuff. It'll be helpful for next time you go through this same kind of thing. And helpful for remembering treasures and milestones that you don't want to forget.

Think through--realistically--a few people you'd like to stay in contact with and be proactive about it. Think through how to transition your relationship to be current. Talking about things that are currently happening and that you'd like to see happen in the future. If you only ever talk about the "glory days" your friendship won't develop beyond the memory of the past summer.

Remember that Jesus is the same yesterday today and forever. He is the same in every  city state place and context. He was with you during the summer and is still with you  now. Cry out to him, he will listen, and he will ultimately be the one that will understand. 

If you have personal experience returning or living with a returner, we'd love to hear your dos centavos :)

"become a Christian"

As we're reading through the Gospel of Matthew with some friends, I have been trying to figure out what it means to become a Christian. Or how to do it. I've heard the phrases all my life: become a Christian, ask Jesus in your heart. But how? And what do they mean? Where did we come up with those ideas? Does it happen like that?

Those all sound like items on a check list.

And I'm confused because Jesus doesn't talk like that. Last week we read this in chapter 25. Jesus speaking:

When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on his left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' Then the righteous will answer him, saying 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you? And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'

Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.... Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.' And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.

So, there are those that are cursed--"thrown into a fire prepared for the devil and his angels." And there are those that are blessed--"to inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world."

And then, in his letter to the saints in Ephesus, the Apostle Paul wrote,

You were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience--among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved--and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace and kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this not of your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Dead in sins, sons of disobedience, children of wrath, goats. He made it clear that all of us start out this way. 

But God made us alive together with Christ. And those of us that are alive, and recipients of great grace and kindness...we should walk in the good works he's prepared for us!

Maybe that's key. Maybe it's not so much that caring for those in need created the distinction between the goats and the sheep, the cursed and the blessed, the dead and the alive, but maybe it's that it shows the distinction between those who know the King and who have received his gift of grace and those who won't.

So what about those who live and love like sheep, but haven't "become a Christian"?

"Praying a prayer" isn't enough to transform a person, is it?
Is it?

This is crazy and inflammatory stuff that Jesus said. And I don't get it. Or maybe I'm starting to get it. I experience it...
but the pieces of this puzzle are all over the floor right now. They were under the rug and we've lifted the rug. I can't quite get pieces back together yet.

Wrestlings? Passages? Thoughts?

a spirit

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7)

This is what we've been given. When we believe in him, we've been just GIVEN this; it's part of the package deal.

Nothing we did for it. Nothing we do for it. Except believe it and live like it.

So, when I act all nervous and subservient and slobby and rude--it's me not acting in accordance with the spirit that I've been given. It's weird and unfitting; it doesn't make sense for any of God's people to be slippery or passive or apathetic or self-protective. It's awkward to live like weak, pale tea because it's not in line with the spirit that we have been given. It's in line with the old self, my flesh. But my old me is not it. That doesn't fit with this spirit I've been given.

Deep inside--in the deepest parts of us--God has come and made his home. Of course we would have

power

love

self-control