home to Jesus

This is a letter written by my mom this morning.
*******

     Yesterday I sat by Mama's bed. She hadn't eaten for a day or two, and her voice was deep and raspy. I couldn't understand everything she said. We've talked often in the last months about being ready to go to heaven. She knew she wasn't good enough. Welcome to our world! NO ONE IS! But she was confident that Jesus had made a way for her. She would brighten when I would remind her of one of my favorite verses: "Therefore He--that's Jesus--is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them." (Heb 7:25)

     I had my name tag on--Mrs Stepanian. I had come straight from Good News Club. If you know Mama, you know she read that name tag. So I told her today's Bible memory verse, "Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God. John one twelve."
     "That's a good one."
     That is where her hope lies: in the One who made the world, came to live on it and die for sins of the people, be buried and raised to life forever in heaven, giving those who believe in Him this amazing right--to become children of God. Wow.

     I sat longer than usual yesterday. I sang through a bunch of old hymns, what words I could remember. She mouthed some of them with me.

Holy, Holy, Holy....God in three Persons, Blessed Trinity


Hear Him, ye deaf, His praise, ye dumb, your loosened tongues employ.
Ye blind behold your Savior come, and leap ye lame for joy.


On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.


Then sings my soul, My Savior God, to Thee
How great Thou art....


Yes, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so.

     At one point I said, "Mom, it's OK to say goodbye to this world."
     Her quick response sounded flippant, "OK. Good bye, world!"

     Then I said, "I look forward to the day I'll see you in heaven."
     At that she smiled and rasped, "That will be a great day for both of us."

     Mama still had her wits about her. For some reason I was thinking about Mom in her garden. She grew basil, a burgundy colored one, long before TV chefs were chiffonading it or Trader Joe's put pesto in a jar. And she had always pronounced it baa-zil (a like in bat. Which is the pronunciation given in my dictionary, just so you know!) I asked her, "Do you pronounce it basil or bayzil?"
     "Baa zil."
     "Ahlmond or aamond?" "Aypricot or aapricot?" "Pecon or pecan?" She gave her right answers....

     Later the hospice nurse came in, amazed at Mama's alertness. I turned to Mama to show off that she was still very much present. "Mama, is it basil or basil?"
     "Basil"
     "Is it almond or almond?" She paused.
     "Nuts."
     That made the nurse and me laugh. She wasn't going to play my game.

     That may have been the last word I heard her say. I talked some more with the nurse. I kissed Mama goodbye. She waved as I left the room.

At 10:30 pm her caregiver called. "Your mom is gone."

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. Finally gone to Jesus!

She was 99. Ready.

I thank God for making me ready to say good bye.


Liz

love is a good thing!

We were at Kennan & Becca's wedding last weekend. It's such a joy to be at a wedding, celebrating with the families and remembering the blessing and the journey of this covenant called marriage.

Lately, we're living close with a few families that have grown and developed and lack the foundation of a covenant, and my heart breaks.Marriage can be so, so good. The everyday, richer/poorer, sicker/healthier, better/worsness of it. This commitment is probably the hardest, scariest, transformingest thing in the world and it's a good thing. This is one of our favorite love songs. Go Reckers!!

(Love is a Good Thing by Andrew Peterson)

the Volcanos!

I hadn't really heard of the Salem baseball team before, but we sure did have a great time!

Debby (David's mom) was invited to sing the national anthem with her acapella group and we got free tickets to go with! (Thank you!!!) They did a great job, just notice how reverent the people in the background look. We all jumped when they actually made some bombs burst in the air...

Ha ha! The mascot is a crater!

I was super duper excited because this is my first real baseball game. David even bought me a $4.50 bag of cracker jacks to celebrate.

After the game--which lasted a riveting TEN innings there were fireworks! It was just perfect.

christmas and all it's ornaments

For any party, any celebration, for any pre-meditated giving of hospitality there is a normal preparation process: grocery shop, clean the bathroom, vacuum the floors, chop, cook, bake, snap at David, tidy the kitchen, say sorry to David, light the candles and set up the patio or the table and then wait for the first knock.

Last time we were getting ready for guests I got frazzled (as usual) and David asked if it will always have to be that way.

Um........
......
.........
no....

And I realized, hey! No! It doesn't have to be this way! And, good grief, why is it that way? Why do I get snappy? Stress is normal and fine. But two questions--what exactly am I feeling pressure about? And why?

I have this vision of what "right" or "put together" looks like. And then anything less than that is a failure and makes me look bad. Uh...what kind of pretty is that? It's empty and certainly not welcoming.

Desire for a guest to be welcome, blessed, loved--those are good reasons for a pretty home. Those are good reasons to give a pretty present. Those are good reasons for a little pressure, but not good reasons to be rude or snide. A good intention is so easy to accidentally squeeze lifeless. I have to hold the intentions gently, with an openness and joy that generosity requires.

So, I've been wondering about Christmas. Thinking a lot about why we all do what we do. Why am I already feeling stressed and a little snappy about Christmas dinner? Why did I demand a Christmas tree (in the nicest possible way, of course)? Why do I feel like a chicken with my head cut off when I think about the procurement of Christmas gifts?

I think of the celebration. This is one of our happiest times of year. We celebrate Emmanuel--God with us! We celebrate a bright spot in all of eternity, but it's so easy to accidentally get tangled in the lights and ornaments. So easy to accidentally squeeze the life out of it.

Instead, I'm pondering reality.
Pondering the great generosity of our Good Father.
Pondering a heavy Maria riding on a donkey, stumbling into a damp stable toward a scratchy manger.
Pondering a star in the darkest night.
Pondering angels singing over shepherds.

Thinking about how I can give Jesus a good gift. How we can really celebrate him--have a real party for his birthday!

It's a little bit of pressure. A little stressful. And so real, so normal. We will celebrate with family. Celebrate with an unmarried mother. Celebrate with lights in the darkness. Celebrate with rich food and tired people. So profoundly real and true and right. I long for beauty on the inside and the outside. I long for people to be welcome and blessed and loved. I long to give and I long to receive.

pumpkin cheesecake

16 oz cream cheese, soft

1/2 c sugar

1 t vanilla

      Beat til smooth.
2 eggs
      Add one. Blend in. Add the other. Blend in.

1 graham cracker crust (9 inch size)

      Spread 1 1/2 c on bottom of crust.

1/2 c pumpkin puree

1/2 t cinnamon

pinches cloves, nutmeg, ginger, cardamom (use any or all)
      Add pumpkin and spices to cheesecake mixture. Pour as a second layer into pie shell. Set pie in a pan of water and bake at 325* for 40-55 min until golden and center is almost set. Cool and refrigerate.

Top with whipped cream made of ginger, powdered sugar and heavy whipping cream.

Thank you for inviting us to celebrate Thanksgiving with you, dear Stepanians! We love you! 

The recipe is my version of the one found here.

autumn Sabbath

We sat down to eat oatmeal boiled in milk with ginger, honey, apples, cranberries, walnuts. I've finally discovered that I like this mush. The Sunday mugs and coffee. It's bright and sunny and cold outside. The leaves are brilliant.

Today is a day to stop and to worship.

Luke David Stepanian

Welcome little Luke! We love you and thank God for the gift of you to our family.