who he is

Some people that we know are dealing with some really, really sad things. We're dealing with some hard stuff. We've cried and are grieving and wrestling with the whys. We struggle with what to do with them in our own hearts, how to pray for and be with people in the midst. Crazy questions and ideas and accusations can crop up and haunt these vulnerable places in our souls. What do we do with the pain? Where do we go?

This morning David and I talked about the story in John 9 of the man born blind. Skeptics questioned Jesus--Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind? I totally feel that question. What have we done wrong? But we've been reveling in Jesus' response--It was not that this man sinned or his parents, but that the works of God may be displayed in him. Job losing everything, Abraham and Sarah awaiting and awaiting and awaiting a baby, Mary and Martha wrenched by their brother's tomb, how many others? ...and every time it was the same story "that the works of God may be displayed." It's the same story. And that's what we want. We want his works in our lives because he is the all-wise, all-loving, all-good God. May we trust his goodness and his provision and his purpose.

Oh, may the works of God may be displayed within all of these aching unknowns and deep sorrows. Oh, may we remember and joyfully worship this God for just who he is. His purposes are good. Always.

home to Jesus

This is a letter written by my mom this morning.
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     Yesterday I sat by Mama's bed. She hadn't eaten for a day or two, and her voice was deep and raspy. I couldn't understand everything she said. We've talked often in the last months about being ready to go to heaven. She knew she wasn't good enough. Welcome to our world! NO ONE IS! But she was confident that Jesus had made a way for her. She would brighten when I would remind her of one of my favorite verses: "Therefore He--that's Jesus--is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them." (Heb 7:25)

     I had my name tag on--Mrs Stepanian. I had come straight from Good News Club. If you know Mama, you know she read that name tag. So I told her today's Bible memory verse, "Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God. John one twelve."
     "That's a good one."
     That is where her hope lies: in the One who made the world, came to live on it and die for sins of the people, be buried and raised to life forever in heaven, giving those who believe in Him this amazing right--to become children of God. Wow.

     I sat longer than usual yesterday. I sang through a bunch of old hymns, what words I could remember. She mouthed some of them with me.

Holy, Holy, Holy....God in three Persons, Blessed Trinity


Hear Him, ye deaf, His praise, ye dumb, your loosened tongues employ.
Ye blind behold your Savior come, and leap ye lame for joy.


On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.


Then sings my soul, My Savior God, to Thee
How great Thou art....


Yes, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so.

     At one point I said, "Mom, it's OK to say goodbye to this world."
     Her quick response sounded flippant, "OK. Good bye, world!"

     Then I said, "I look forward to the day I'll see you in heaven."
     At that she smiled and rasped, "That will be a great day for both of us."

     Mama still had her wits about her. For some reason I was thinking about Mom in her garden. She grew basil, a burgundy colored one, long before TV chefs were chiffonading it or Trader Joe's put pesto in a jar. And she had always pronounced it baa-zil (a like in bat. Which is the pronunciation given in my dictionary, just so you know!) I asked her, "Do you pronounce it basil or bayzil?"
     "Baa zil."
     "Ahlmond or aamond?" "Aypricot or aapricot?" "Pecon or pecan?" She gave her right answers....

     Later the hospice nurse came in, amazed at Mama's alertness. I turned to Mama to show off that she was still very much present. "Mama, is it basil or basil?"
     "Basil"
     "Is it almond or almond?" She paused.
     "Nuts."
     That made the nurse and me laugh. She wasn't going to play my game.

     That may have been the last word I heard her say. I talked some more with the nurse. I kissed Mama goodbye. She waved as I left the room.

At 10:30 pm her caregiver called. "Your mom is gone."

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. Finally gone to Jesus!

She was 99. Ready.

I thank God for making me ready to say good bye.


Liz

you make beautiful things

you make beautiful things out of the dust...

uh, yes.... yes, yes, YES!

Three days ago I turned 32. I think the older I am, the richer I feel. Every year I like my life more. And it gets harder, too. We are facing trials of various kinds and I guess I just always wonder how to be. How to feel and rest and be in pain and in the unsolved. And how to rejoice at the same time.

I read this today in James and am mulling over it:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

The testing of your faith... For me, these are the questions that come: Is God enough? Is he good? Does he love? Is he able? Can he save? Does he see? Does he care? Will he protect? Do I believe? Often, I hold the questions just below the surface. Just below acknowledgement. But I'm realizing that in the asking of them, in the answering of them, in the hoping and waiting, in the resounding yes!--there is faith.

And the testing, it produces steadfastness...
which we must let have its full effect
                         let the steadfastness bloom
                                         brighten
                                               develop
                                     mature, ripen, ferment
that you may be perfect and complete,
lacking in nothing.

Nothing.

mission!

Jesus, early in his ministry, found this passage in Isaiah and spoke it to a full synagogue in his hometown:

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to bring good news to the poor;

he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,

and the day of vengence of our God;

to comfort all who mourn;

to grant to those who mourn in Zion--

to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;

that they may be called oaks of righteousness,

the planting of the Lord, that he may display his beauty.

They shall build up the ancient ruins;

they shall raise up the former devestations;

they shall repair the ruined cities,

the devastations of many generations.

I read this and I wonder why we talk more about apologetics, the four spiritual laws, a wordless book and the Romans road than this. The tools are fine, but.... What if we started our ministry/mission/evangelism/neighboring/friendships/churches/marriages/whatever with the power, anointing, discernment, meaning, grace that Jesus proclaimed?

These words are truth for us--we are those who have been poor, borkenhearted, captive, bound, blind, mourning, covered in ashes and faint. And too often I find myself returning to these places--frustrated, exhausted, disillusioned, broken, paralyzed, trapped, worried, ashamed, worn out. These are all words I use to describe myself. A few days ago, David and I made a deal to proclaim life and liberty and good news to each other. I long to learn and practice to be able to speak the gospel into every kind of situation--to myself and to others (Christians and non-Christians). These things are so hard to grasp alone and I feel like I need to be trained to see and speak them.

Look at the proclamations:
good news
liberty
opening of prison/recovery of sight
God's favor and God's vengence (both!)

Look at the gifts:
binding up of hearts
comfort
beautiful headdresses
oil of gladness
garments of praise

And--how hopeful!--look at who these things are for:
the poor
the brokenhearted
the captives
those who are bound/blind
those who mourn, hold ashes, are of a faint spirit 

Look at the results:
That they may be called oaks of righteousness, 
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.
They shall build up the ancient ruins;
they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.

Wow! This is how I want to be, how I want to live, how I want to speak, how I want to give.

the fierce urgency of now

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism.

Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline.

We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope.

(excerpts from the I Have a Dream speech, given by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., 1963)

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What dream do I have? May it be bigger than me, bigger than my life.

May we stand with faith, hope and discipline. May we stand for justice. Let  freedom ring!

hold fast to hope

Though he slay me, I will hope in him...
God breaks me down on every side, and I am gone,
and my hope has he pulled up like a tree. (Job 13, 19)

No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame. (Ps 25)

The war horse is a false hope for salvation...
Behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him,
on those who hope in his steadfast love,
that he may deliver their soul from death
and keep them alive in famine. (Ps 33)

For the evildoers shall be cut off,
but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land. (Ps 37)

My hope is in you. (Ps 39)

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God....
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God....
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God. (Ps 42, 43)

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him. (Ps 62)

Rescue me...
For you, O Lord, are my hope. (Ps 71)

Blessed is he...
whose hope is in the Lord his God. (Ps 146)

The Lord takes pleasure...
in those who hope in his steadfast love.
Praise! (Ps 147)

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13)

...those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength... (Isaiah 40)

...I am the Lord;
those who hope in me will not be disappointed. (Isaiah 49)

I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.... There is hope for your future. (Jeremiah 29, 31)

But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."
The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good...
it is good...
there may yet be hope. (Lamentations 3)

I will make the Valley of Trouble a door of hope. (Hosea 2)

"It is with respect to the hope and the resurrection of the dead that I am on trial.... I worship the God of our fathers, believing everything laid down by the Law and written in the Prophets, having a hope in God, that there will be a resurrection.... And now I stand here on trial because of my hope in the promise made by God to our fathers, to which our twelve tribes hope to attain, as they earnestly worship night and day. And for this hope I am accused." (Paul, Acts 23 to 26)

In hope Abraham believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations. (Romans 4)

Let us rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,
and endurance produces character,
and character produces hope,
and hope does not disappoint us,
because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5)

Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. (Romans 8)

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12)

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. (Romans 15)

He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.... Since we have such a hope, we are very bold...the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. (Paul, 2 Corinthians)

I pray...that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you. (Ephesians 1)

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to ... live godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. (Titus 2)

We who have fled for refuge might have a strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and certain anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the holy place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever... (Hebrews 6)

Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
(Hebrews 10)

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you... (1 Peter 1)

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My Analysis and Synthesis

God delights in our hope.

Hope is called upon, tested in the fire of desire, need, affliction, longing, pain, sorrow, trembling.

Hope is blessing. Hope brings peace. Hope is joy. Hope and praise walk hand in hand.

The Spirit flows peace into our hearts.

Hope in the Lord is also translated Wait on the Lord. Hoping looks like waiting.

Our hope in God will not be disappointed. Hope is certain when it is hope in God--not in circumstances, not in relationships, not in any of a million other things. God-delighting hope, hope which will be fulfilled, hope that is blessing--that hope is in God alone.

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I think that hope is a paradox of a gift. A gift that brings gut-wrenching tears. A gift so good and so rich and so horrible that it is often left unopened under the Christmas tree. A gift only embraced by the most courageous, most broken among us. A gift that looks like poverty. A gift that looks a lot like a slut pouring out her entire life-savings on the feet of a carpenter, that looks like a shriveled old woman dropping the last of the grocery money into the offering, that looks like living in a foreign country alone, that looks like waiting too long for two children from Africa to come home, that looks like longing for life as a husband is being eaten by cancer.

O, that we would be the remnant who wholly embrace this gift.