Three days ago I turned 32. I think the older I am, the richer I feel. Every year I like my life more. And it gets harder, too. We are facing trials of various kinds and I guess I just always wonder how to be. How to feel and rest and be in pain and in the unsolved. And how to rejoice at the same time.
I read this today in James and am mulling over it:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
The testing of your faith... For me, these are the questions that come: Is God enough? Is he good? Does he love? Is he able? Can he save? Does he see? Does he care? Will he protect? Do I believe? Often, I hold the questions just below the surface. Just below acknowledgement. But I'm realizing that in the asking of them, in the answering of them, in the hoping and waiting, in the resounding yes!--there is faith.
And the testing, it produces steadfastness...
which we must let have its full effect
let the steadfastness bloom
mature, ripen, ferment
that you may be perfect and complete,
lacking in nothing.