home to Jesus

This is a letter written by my mom this morning.
*******

     Yesterday I sat by Mama's bed. She hadn't eaten for a day or two, and her voice was deep and raspy. I couldn't understand everything she said. We've talked often in the last months about being ready to go to heaven. She knew she wasn't good enough. Welcome to our world! NO ONE IS! But she was confident that Jesus had made a way for her. She would brighten when I would remind her of one of my favorite verses: "Therefore He--that's Jesus--is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them." (Heb 7:25)

     I had my name tag on--Mrs Stepanian. I had come straight from Good News Club. If you know Mama, you know she read that name tag. So I told her today's Bible memory verse, "Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God. John one twelve."
     "That's a good one."
     That is where her hope lies: in the One who made the world, came to live on it and die for sins of the people, be buried and raised to life forever in heaven, giving those who believe in Him this amazing right--to become children of God. Wow.

     I sat longer than usual yesterday. I sang through a bunch of old hymns, what words I could remember. She mouthed some of them with me.

Holy, Holy, Holy....God in three Persons, Blessed Trinity


Hear Him, ye deaf, His praise, ye dumb, your loosened tongues employ.
Ye blind behold your Savior come, and leap ye lame for joy.


On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.


Then sings my soul, My Savior God, to Thee
How great Thou art....


Yes, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so.

     At one point I said, "Mom, it's OK to say goodbye to this world."
     Her quick response sounded flippant, "OK. Good bye, world!"

     Then I said, "I look forward to the day I'll see you in heaven."
     At that she smiled and rasped, "That will be a great day for both of us."

     Mama still had her wits about her. For some reason I was thinking about Mom in her garden. She grew basil, a burgundy colored one, long before TV chefs were chiffonading it or Trader Joe's put pesto in a jar. And she had always pronounced it baa-zil (a like in bat. Which is the pronunciation given in my dictionary, just so you know!) I asked her, "Do you pronounce it basil or bayzil?"
     "Baa zil."
     "Ahlmond or aamond?" "Aypricot or aapricot?" "Pecon or pecan?" She gave her right answers....

     Later the hospice nurse came in, amazed at Mama's alertness. I turned to Mama to show off that she was still very much present. "Mama, is it basil or basil?"
     "Basil"
     "Is it almond or almond?" She paused.
     "Nuts."
     That made the nurse and me laugh. She wasn't going to play my game.

     That may have been the last word I heard her say. I talked some more with the nurse. I kissed Mama goodbye. She waved as I left the room.

At 10:30 pm her caregiver called. "Your mom is gone."

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. Finally gone to Jesus!

She was 99. Ready.

I thank God for making me ready to say good bye.


Liz

you make beautiful things

you make beautiful things out of the dust...

church exploration

Our family/our church is searching for a larger local body in Canby to be a part of. This has prompted a lot of study, prayer, conversation, reading, etc, etc, etc about the nature of this enigmatic thing called The Church. There's a lot of language and a whole variety of connotations to each different term that we use surrounding these concepts.

Even as I look back at that first paragraph I smile. I said a few things that can be taken in multiple ways: our church, larger local body, The Church. The other night as our home community talked about the Ephesians and the church, I realized that if I'm not careful, I can easily misinterpret another person's comments just because we have different mental constructs about the word "church."

I feel like we have a whole load of ideas about the church, probably the majority of which are shaped by personal experience and human conversation rather than by God's word. Gosh. Foo! I want my mind, heart and soul to be trained and shaped by his thoughts on what the church is.

So, we're studying through Ephesians. I was having a hard time understanding this passage from the end of the first chapter.


Here's the ESV of 1:21-23:
(Christ is)...far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. 
And he put all things under his feet 

and gave him as head over all things to the church, 

which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.

And The Message:

He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. 

At the center of all this, Christ rules the church. 

The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. 

The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence.

Ahhh! I love that!

All things under his feet meaning at the center of all this.

Gave him as head meaning Christ rules the church.

And then in The Message, the sentence, The church, you see is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church.

His body meaning in which he speaks and acts.

The fullness of him who fills all in all meaning by which he fills everything with his presence.

That sentence about the world being peripheral to the church blows my mind. Train my eyes to see!

deer teacher...

Yes, we are having a baby. Sometime around June 25th. And kids at school are starting to catch on.

--A first grade girl was staring at me very intently, as I read a story aloud to the class. Finally I called on her. She was rubbing her tummy: "...um, teacher, it looks like you have something right here. I wonder if you have something right here..... Do you have something in your tummy?"

--Subbing for Mrs. Perrin's fourth grade class, kids were thrilled to brainstorm names for us--Tony Hawk, Jennifer, Abby (the teacher's first name) and Mrs. Perrin all were mentioned. Mrs. Perrin was by far the class top pick for a girl. (Our name ideas are secret, but please be certain that Mrs. Perrin has not made the list.)

--Sweet third grade boy that I taught last year (I was subbing for his teacher yesterday and told the kids I was having a baby): "I was watching you. I thought something was different! Last year you were skinny. This year you're fat." Thank you, buddy! He he!!

--Another dear, special ed girl, who I'd met earlier this school year drew this picture for me yesterday. Nice anatomical details :)

She dropped it off with a thoughtful/confused expression on her face: "Now, Mrs. Burnham, you weren't pregnant last time I saw you...........(very long pause, I shook my head)......... You are pregnant now.............(affirmative, count to 4...5...6...7...).... Weird!" She shook her head and walked out.

Ahhh...I love school :) I love these kids and will really miss them. Gotta soak up the moments. 

And on the other hand, we're getting more and more excited to meet this new little Burnham!!!!

never alone

My favorite person is working very late on the anniversary of one of the best days of my life. I came home from work to our quiet apartment and started working on taxes, tried not to think about it too much, tried to figure out what I could eat without much effort, tried not to play pity party.

And then the parade started. Gifts from God. Fun things and reminders that he sees me in every state.
--First came Karla, knocking with a surprise dinner--tortillas and chicharrón (?) Wow!!
--Then came a phone call with dear Sarah Stepanian.
--While we were still talking another knock, it was another Sara. She brought apples, oranges, avocados, strawberries, basil and a very long cucumber. Just a gift from their abundance.
--I ate dinner and then another knock. And it was Patty coming to show an absolutely beautiful five-day-old baby. An absolutely perfectly made little person with lots and lots of curly black hair.
--And then a very delightful phone call from Debby Burnham. They want to have a baby shower! And she said very encouraging things.

Karla, Patty and Sara are the three women from the three other apartments in our building. Sarah are Debby are our good family. Five women we pray for often. In the last few hours I've been blessed by five wonderful women. What a gift! Even on a day when really...um, uh...I should already be overly, amazingly overflowing with thankfulness for God's incredible gift and provision. Our God is gracious and abundant.

-----
Dear David, you are truly God's provision for me.

Yes. I am YOUR wife! Happy two years!
Come home soon! :)
We miss you!

lottsa lottsa

Big stuff is happening in the Burnham home. For me, the more significant the life changes, the less likely I am to put anything about them on the world wide web. So, finally for a few updates:

--Our dear friends, Geoff, Celina and Jaron Green, recently moved to Portland. They lived about a block away and were the leaders of our home community (which has been our church for the past year). We really miss being everyday friends with them. And we also miss being church with them.

--Our church is totally changing. Our home community is moving towards joining another church, which is  uncharted territory. David and I haven't ever been in the spot to search for and find a church. It can feel gross, like something between dating and shopping. I have to fight to discipline my heart, asking God to give me eyes to see and enjoy the beauty of his bride, trusting that he will lead us in his time. Currently, our home community has been studying thru Galatians, which has been a huge encouragement as I've taken the time to dwell on the gospel. Tonight we will read thru Ephesians together.

--David's been taking pre-requisites to become an RN. This term he's taking Human Growth & Development and the first section of Anatomy & Physiology. Both are classes that he's super interested in. Both a whole lotta work. He also continues to work full-time. It's a lot of work, a lot of money and a big direction shift, all of which are difficult.

--We're preparing our home and our family for a new baby! This is totally scary and totally wonderful and totally new.

In the midst of all of this, I daily feel the pull to trust in myself or to trust in the King of Kings. When I calculate everything out and try to make everything fit on the calendar, I totally freak out. When I "train my brain to focus" (something I often say to kids at school), remembering the Lord's constant presence, abundant provision and faithful love, I am able walk with grace and freedom. Right now I'm at about 50/50. Maybe someday it'll get easier :)