I'm doing little computer projects in a coffee shop in Newberg. Next to me there's a table of college boys slung over their chairs, philosophizing. "Isn't the truest form of literature to connect your own story to another story?" Hum.
It's making me think back and remember. I remember that I loved being in college. It was so fun and stimulating and interesting and deep. I felt so intelligent, like my thoughts were just fascinating and brilliant all of the time (except after a lame test or an argument, but I blamed those on lack of sleep or..., certainly not my own inadequacy). I drank a lot of coffee and sat around theorizing about the meaning of life and reading thick books with small print. Profound.
It's been a few years. I've learned that my thoughts are certainly not brilliant, fascinating and wonderful all the time....maybe not even most of the time. On occasion, I'll hatch a good one, but I can't promise to deliver it in an eloquent or poetic way like I used to. I've realized that it's a lot more enjoyable to live a little slower, a little more practical, a little more down to earth.
I guess maybe I'm growing up or something. I am almost thirty, so I guess it's about time. I like now better. That's nice. I wonder what I'll look back at in another ten years...
7 comments:
I'm in Newberg! Sometime you, Celina, and I should get together to play :)
wow. i feel almost exactly the same way. but i do think it's to do with getting older.
driving home from the coffee shop I wondered if I was just jealous of how smart those boys seemed...
i resonate, too. it gets a little "heady" to be so brilliant all the time. i do think, though, that you have very good thoughts and very good ways of saying them and i am often provoked or encouraged or stimulated by your questions, etc...so good things are still happening in that 30 year old brain of yours! :) love you!
I think it's all good. The heady feeling of trying out your intellectual wings, and then gradually learning that things are not so simple and easy, that we are also earth bound. And then the gradual learning process of trying to connect reality as it is to what we aspire to. Even though we don't feel so sure of our selves, I think the things we learn as we get older are still very valuable to share. I really like to read about the things people have learned from experience, as complex, maybe compromised and humble as they can be. Like how to get your beans to cook nice and soft.
I'm with your parents now, with my daughter and mother and sister. Missing you and hoping everything is going well.
Much love,
S.
:) I like you friend.
Missing you. Kids and I are reading Prince Caspian again too! I like reading what's running around in your thoughts!
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